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"I've been holding it in, but this morning was very rough -- getting donations from three family members killed in the same stupid accident. That's the thing that's been tearing at me in the job; so many of the deaths were from drunk drivers, or kids too young to be driving with friends, or even babies who died from some home accident. It's not only that the two of you are offering me the chance to lose myself, sensually, with people I like -- and you, Dolores, might even love -- but you're offering me a chance to do something meaningful that won't hit at me day by day by day in the same way. Sure, I know debriefing will be hard -- but it won't be all the time.I thought about something that often comforts me:Often, there is no "right answer;" doctors and nurses can only learn to accept the inevitable uncertainty, self-questioning, guilt, and feelings of helplessness that cases such as these" inflict" upon the care-giver—the "wounds" of practicing medicine. At the end the author says:. The kids didn’t want me to be alone, so I made the trip to be with George Jr. and his family. My daughter Dorothy came with her family so we could enjoy Thanksgiving together. It wasn’t a happy occasion for me at all. I didn’t feel thankful and I knew it built tension with the kids. There they were with their families trying to enjoy the holidays. Of course they missed their mother but as they said, ‘Life goes on, dad.’ They invited me up for Christmas but I wasn’t going to ruin that holiday for them also. They were able to get on with their lives. I was the lonely old guy that I felt was just in the way. I hoped they would understand what I was doing. I didn’t want to be alone anymore. I spent the last tree months getting my affairs in order. I didn’t want to burden my kids with any undue expenses. I had everything in order, insurances, taxes, wills. All I needed now was courage, hopefully Jim Beam would help me with that. I had a housekeeper who came in twice a week to help keep.
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